Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Taser Toys, Mp3s - and an Opportunity!

Taser Mp3 toyHorace Smith, Daniel B. Wesson, or Samuel Colt would never have made pink revolvers. But then, sales were good, and they weren't in a slump driven by miserable press. Handguns are supposed to kill people- nobody whined that gunshot deaths were accidents.

Tasers are different. The law enforcement market is increasingly twitchy about the very public liabilities of electroshock weapons. They're easy to abuse, make awful news and videos, and the jury is still out on immediate and long-term medical and neurological effects, including death. In response Taser International is aggressively courting the civilian market. This is great news: police abuse of tasers makes such killer video, I can't wait to see YouTube flooded with home-made taser videos.

Taser is a regular exhibitor at CES- the Consumer Electronics Show. This year (the Globe and Mail reports), Playboy Playmates signed autographs at their booth- Miss June 2004 Hiromi Oshima, Miss October 2005 Amanda Paige, Miss October 2006 Jordan Monroe and Miss September 2007 Patrice Hollis, decked out in Taser t-shirts, signed autographs beside a sign that read: “If you love her, protect her.” No mention of the threat of privately owned tasers being turned against female victims- you know, like police tasers have been. Cheaper than roofies?

Don't Tase Me, Sis! Fox News reports that watered-down (weaker shock, shorter range) versions of the weapons are sold at parties where bored affluent white housewives fondle Lady Tasers smoothly molded in colors and sized for the petite hand. They look FABULOUS. You can carry the pink one to church and keep the leopard-print one in the nightstand. Rawrrrr, ladies.

The company also unveiled a new Taser holster equipped with a built-in 1 GB MP3 player. No. Really. I don't know if it's called the iShok, or the iShokU, or what.

I think they're missing some marketing bets, nonetheless. Here's a hint or two for free. Maybe the next version of the Grand Theft Auto video game can include tasers. Maybe Barbie and Bratz dolls can be accessorized with really cute holsters and lady tasers. Maybe Elmo needs a taser- Elmo got to stay strapped.

Here's an idea I haven't given away. Ringtones sell like hotcakes, right? Half A Bubble Off Plumb is in negotiations with several artists and music companies to market a mix tailored to the electroshock-savvy consumer who wants the hottest iShok sound, and plans to sell the mix online (as Mp3's) and at kiosks in malls across America. We'll be ready to roll out for Valentine's day. Check out our first playlist:

Hit Me With Your Best Shot- Pat Benetar

Janie's Got A Gun- Aerosmith

Earl's Got to Die- The Dixie Chicks

Shock the Monkey- Peter Gabriel

Shell Shock- Heart

Live Wire- Motley Crue

Great Balls of Fire- Jerry Lee Lewis (for those below-the-belt hits)

Electricity-Elton John- or Suede, for that matter

High Voltage- AC/DC

Take My Breath Away- Berlin

High Tension Wire- Dead Boys

Shockaholic- Kinky Machine

...and Anything by Son Volt, of course

We're looking for partners. If you have some hot favorites, or if you're a high-voltage DJ with his own mix, leave a comment. Our attorneys will contact you!